It was the break I took in the hospital where the psychiatrists discovered that there was a bigger problem. The ability to consistently and abruptly change moods was bipolar. Yet at this point in my life, anger was added to the already existent cycle of being happy, depressed and suicidal. The first cycle started when I was 12. As time went on and I began to attempt to heal, anger became pretty prominent.
The doctors prescribed Lamictal. This ended up not working very well. The mood swings were further apart, but still extreme. Of course the ever increasing house of abuse I was living in didn’t help. My psychiatrist quit his practice with no referrals and I was left with no psychiatrist. In the gap between doctors, in finding one, then waiting to get in, I ran out of meds and things got bad again. The new psychiatrist diagnosed me with a number of things after a long talking appointment. and prescribed me Depakote. This worked the best. I just kept going off of them because I felt I was better. Then crash and have to go back on them.
Right before moving to Oregon, I was diagnosed with a number of physical health problems. One of them was the inability to tolerate Depakote. I couldn’t get back in to see my psychiatrist before I left, so I just stopped taking them. I still get the mood swings, only now I pray like crazy through them. I now just have to wait to see what’s next on that boat.