Over the years, I have spent various times between relationships where I was single, but never living on my own. I was 36 before I was taking care of myself wholly. I don’t know if it’s fear of being alone or fear of not being able to financially support myself and son. It was probably both. I have been made to feel, my whole life, that I won’t amount to anything. I’ve been put down in more ways than can be counted. So, the only way to become something, is to prove everyone wrong.
This last time I escaped a bad relationship was the hardest. I had decided to move out and was afraid at the same time as I had nowhere to go. I had to figure out how to find a place on my own and how to set and make the bills. Despite my thought that it could not be done, I pulled through. I found a place at the last minute and worked my tail off getting extra hours at work to make the bills. We didn’t have much and our cupboards were empty a lot of the time, but we were free and independent. It was just me supporting my son and I. I was making my own rules, decorating the way I wanted to and buying what I want when I want/can. It was very empowering. Yes, I was lonely at times, but over time, that disappeared. I became happy just being me.
This empowerment has given me the power to heal. I have the time and ability now to analyze every thought and feeling. I always ask myself why I feel or think something. Then when I get down, I remind myself that I did it! I conquered my fears and everything everyone ever said about me. It wasn’t easy. In fact, it has been very tough at times, but I’ve always pulled through.
I have found many ways of making money just to make ends meet and save for a better tomorrow at the same time. I’ve babysit, coupon clipped, double coupon shopped, pulled 80 hour work weeks, sold crafts, sold stuff on ebay and many more ways. There is always a way. Some have worked out and some haven’t but when one ends, another starts up.
There are two songs from not too many years ago that say it all when combined. Both from Destiny’s Child, Survivor and Independent Women. Knowing that you did it, you made it out and safe and thrive everyday on your own is a great healing. If you haven’t done it yet, get out, be yourself and take care of yourself no matter what it takes. You are not alone. Us freedom fighters do exist. Message me if you need, I will help you through. You can do it too!