The Survivals of Jewels

Learning to thrive through sharing my true stories, healing through God, healing through crafts, helping others, and helping others gain better health. Please note, names have been changed for protection.

Def Leppard is Helping Me Heal May 2, 2013

Filed under: Surviving the Different Abuse — The_Survivals_of_Jewels @ 8:00 am
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When I was 12 years old, I discovered Def Leppard. I began listening to Pyromania and thinking, “if only I could scream like that and feel better”. I never tried til recently at group therapy and man was it a relief. So, Def Leppard became a large part of my life. When Hysteria came out, there were tons of songs that hit the top ten and they consistently stayed on the MTV top 20 videos for several weeks. Song after song and video after video, they rose. The music was great, but the one song that stood out and meant the most to me was Gods of War. In college I wrote an essay explaining line by line of the song and what it meant to me, as that was the assignment. I discovered why the song meant so much. If you know me, you know ma or have read anything on the abuse I have been through, allow me to share the lyrics and try to view them from “the abused” point of view. (This is the lyrics without the repeated chorus lines)

Feelin’ like it’s all over
Feelin’ like there’s no love
Feelin’ like it’s not easy
Breathin’ life in the dust

On a countdown to zero
Take a ride on the nightmare machine
There ain’t gonna be heroes
There ain’t gonna be anythin’

Here it comes here comes the night
Here it comes hell in the night
Here it comes here comes the night
(When we all fall down)

When we walk into silence
When we shadow the sun
When we surrender to violence
Then the damage is done
(Put away that gun)

I don’t want to be there
I don’t wanna be anywhere

We’re fightin’ for the gods of war
But what the hell we fightin’ for
Yeah fightin’ with the gods of war

But I’m a rebel,
And I ain’t gonna fight no more!
No way!

Heavy!

Makes sense doesn’t it? Being “the abused” makes you constantly feel like giving up and ending everything, only to be stuck back in the thought of “things will get better, I won’t surrender by committing violence to myself ans stooping to his level.” Then I received the Mirror Ball 2 CD set and heard one of the last songs on disc two and discovered the perfect song to define me today. As you know I am determined to heal and no longer allow my past to define me. The song, Undefeated. These lyrics (again, cutting the repeated chorus) are a bit longer, but pay attention, Def Leppard gave me strength. And I am surrounding myself with as much strength as I can, God, people, family, and yes, music. Thank You Def Leppard!!!

Look in these eyes
These eyes don’t lie
And they say that if you don’t blink
Then you don’t die

Now feel this heart, it beats so tough
And if you ever gonna doubt my faith
Then I’ll call your bluff
‘Cause you ain’t that tough

The lies in your eyes can’t defeat me
I ain’t ever going down
I was down on my knees completely
And you will never take my crown

But I rise from my feet
You can’t beat me
Oh, and that’s why I gotta stay
And that’s why I gotta say

I’m undefeated
And standing tall
I don’t want to be the loser
When the winner takes it all

I’m undefeated
I got this scar
I will wash this blood away
Live to fight another day

I feel your pain, I hear your words
But there ain’t nothing
You can say to me
I ain’t already heard

These cuts run deep
Close to the bone
But I gotta keep getting up
‘Cause I been down so long
So let’s get it on

I walk through the fire
With the flames on my skin
I wanna be the last man standing
I’ll never surrender, I’ll never give in
I just got to win

It’s stand or fall
You can laugh and walk around me
With my back against the wall

I’m undefeated
I got the prize
If you got the will to win
You got to take it on the chin

 

The pictures above are a portion of my Lep collection. From original posters and prints from the mid 80’s, to the autographs, pics and personal photos of certain members of the band. Yep, during the Adrenalize tour, I met two members. All are original.

I survived abuse and you can too. Please know that you are not alone!!!

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Protected: James January 25, 2013

Filed under: Surviving the Different Abuse — The_Survivals_of_Jewels @ 2:42 am
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Protected: Dad – Healing Attempt

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Protected: Steve….Part Two January 2, 2013

Filed under: Surviving the Different Abuse — The_Survivals_of_Jewels @ 10:28 am
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ER Visit

This is part two of an account of how I survived abuse from a date. If you have suffered similar abuse, please know you are not alone. Please be warned that this article is graphic in nature and contains material regarding sexual abuse / rape. This is not all I went through with him, this is just a taste. Names have been changed.

   So I talked to the crisis line last night and found out to go to the ER at St. Vincent’s and ask for the SANE nurse. I went straight from work.

That was a long and horrifying experience. I get there and ask for the SANE nurse and they ask me if I’ve been sexually abused. Like you want to say that in front of other people. They send you into a room where they get your vitals and try to pry some information out of you. I wasn’t comfortable because I knew this wouldn’t be the nurse or doctor helping me and my own mother still doesn’t know. Then you wait in the lobby forever for them to take you to a room. They take you to a room and have you completely disrobe and put on a gown. Then the SANE nurse comes in and asks tons of questions of how you were abused, and then wants a detailed account of everything that has happened. I had to explain every touch, kiss, bite, bruise and penetration. Part way through it, the crisis advocate comes in. After this, the doctor comes in and goes through what he can do to help me. Then discusses a vaginal exam. I agreed as this was why I waited so long to come in. It happened on Dec.18 and it’s now Jan.2. I had to get past the depression and start being concerned with myself as well as work myself up to someone examining me there. So he says all looks good, gives me a shot and a couple pills, and sends stuff off to the lab. Then they did a pregnancy test. No one told me any results or how to get them. They just gave me information for help and sent me on my way.

It made me feel as though they didn’t want to tell me I am okay, but are willing to get me help. So, I’m relieved but scared at the same time yet.

 

Protected: Steve….Part One December 30, 2012

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Protected: Matt…Part One December 25, 2012

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