The Survivals of Jewels

Learning to thrive through sharing my true stories, healing through God, healing through crafts, helping others, and helping others gain better health. Please note, names have been changed for protection.

Possible Victim Answer April 14, 2013

Filed under: Surviving the Different Abuse — The_Survivals_of_Jewels @ 8:00 am
Tags: , , ,

I’ve been really trying to analyze why I consistently become a target for abuse. Upon my online search for why women are targets, I found a ton of explanations. All of which seem to apply to me.

One article I read, written by a former abusive man, said that a gentle, kind woman is usually a selfless woman. Meaning she is willing to do anything to make a relationship work. Willing to give her entire self to one man. As most men find this attractive, abusive men see this as an ability to “mold”. He feels he can mold her into anything he likes. This becomes mental and emotional abuse that leads to different forms of physical and sexual abuse as time goes on. In analyzing myself, I found that every time I get involved in a relationship, I tend to forget about everyone and everything else and concentrate on the relationship. I never realized this til recently. In fact, the reasons mainly why I have kept far away from family was because of men. They know that my family influences me and pull me away. I become engrossed in them and never even realize that I forget them. So, I guess selfless has defined me.

Another I read spoke of low self-esteem. This one hits home big time. We already know from other articles I have written involving the abuse I have been through, that most of my childhood was engrossed by belittling me and making me feel as though I was fat, nothing, and never going to amount to anything. I am finally aware that this abuse has affected my entire look on life. Because I feel like “nothing”, the moment anyone shows any attraction to me, I cling to them. I feel as though I need them to survive. I become dependent on them. They may not be what I had in mind for a “perfect man”, but I settle for them just because they like me. I feel as though I will never do any better and I should take it while I can because the chance for true love may never come around again. I heard from everyone that the “perfect man” doesn’t exist and true love comes around once in a lifetime and when I find it to hold on tight and never let go. This is how I had believed. Someone loves me, he may not be perfect, but he’s mine, and this must be love, so don’t give up. Man, this sounds like a big target to me. After all, my idea of a perfect man is not much at all.

The Perfect Man = gentle, patient, someone who holds me when I cry, someone who will listen and understand me, someone who will love me wholly and truly and never be afraid to show it til the day I die.

Hmm….actually, this is not that bad. Shouldn’t anyone want this? I’m not looking for perfect looks, or a man that makes a lot of money. I only want true love. True love means not ever having a bone in your body to want to hurt someone in any way. That is perfection to me.

So, what have I learned? Yes, be kind and gentle, but be firm and stay safe. Do everything I can to raise my self-esteem and break the chain of abuse from my childhood that continues to affect me to this day. Become independent and never again dependent, and let people know that. And wait for my idea of the perfect man. I know many people who are married to this type of man, so I know he exists. I have a lot of learning and self-training to go through to achieve this. But, I think it will be worth it for the RIGHT relationship to come along.

 

Haunted by Him February 14, 2013

Filed under: Surviving the Different Abuse — The_Survivals_of_Jewels @ 4:45 pm
Tags:

Why is it that certain abusive men do not give up and think they can win you back when you want nothing to do with them. They know what they did to you. What is wrong with them. Well, in this case, I have gone back to him before, so maybe he is thinking he can try again. I’m not going to be duped again.

The other day I received an email from Steve talking about his email listing service. I did not respond. Yesterday he tried friending me on facebook. I simply replied that I do not friend people that were hateful people and blocked him. In order to do that though, I had to go to his profile. On the front page, as the cover photo, you can’t miss it, is a picture of my son as a kid. I reported him as harassment, but facebook found it invalid. It’s interesting how he tries. Abusive men are very sneaky when it comes to harassing you. Then, today I was woken to a call from a credit collector asking to get in touch with him. They said he listed me as a reference. Why would he do that? To harass me again. They asked if they could leave a message. I said you can try but it will never get to him. I was abused by him and have no contact with him. They apologized and hung up. Seriously Steve…why?

Turns out the haunting comes in waves too. Hopefully this will die out. But watch, the next one will come along.

 

Protected: James January 25, 2013

Filed under: Surviving the Different Abuse — The_Survivals_of_Jewels @ 2:42 am
Tags: , , , ,

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

 

ER Visit January 2, 2013

This is part two of an account of how I survived abuse from a date. If you have suffered similar abuse, please know you are not alone. Please be warned that this article is graphic in nature and contains material regarding sexual abuse / rape. This is not all I went through with him, this is just a taste. Names have been changed.

   So I talked to the crisis line last night and found out to go to the ER at St. Vincent’s and ask for the SANE nurse. I went straight from work.

That was a long and horrifying experience. I get there and ask for the SANE nurse and they ask me if I’ve been sexually abused. Like you want to say that in front of other people. They send you into a room where they get your vitals and try to pry some information out of you. I wasn’t comfortable because I knew this wouldn’t be the nurse or doctor helping me and my own mother still doesn’t know. Then you wait in the lobby forever for them to take you to a room. They take you to a room and have you completely disrobe and put on a gown. Then the SANE nurse comes in and asks tons of questions of how you were abused, and then wants a detailed account of everything that has happened. I had to explain every touch, kiss, bite, bruise and penetration. Part way through it, the crisis advocate comes in. After this, the doctor comes in and goes through what he can do to help me. Then discusses a vaginal exam. I agreed as this was why I waited so long to come in. It happened on Dec.18 and it’s now Jan.2. I had to get past the depression and start being concerned with myself as well as work myself up to someone examining me there. So he says all looks good, gives me a shot and a couple pills, and sends stuff off to the lab. Then they did a pregnancy test. No one told me any results or how to get them. They just gave me information for help and sent me on my way.

It made me feel as though they didn’t want to tell me I am okay, but are willing to get me help. So, I’m relieved but scared at the same time yet.

 

Protected: Steve….Part One December 30, 2012

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

 

Protected: Matt…Part One December 25, 2012

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

 

Protected: John and Ed December 23, 2012

Filed under: Surviving the Different Abuse — The_Survivals_of_Jewels @ 12:58 pm
Tags: , , , ,

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: